Quick answer: Tantrums are a normal part of early childhood. The NHS says they usually start around 18 months and are far less common by age 4. In a study of 1,490 preschoolers, 83.7% had tantrums sometimes but only 8.6% had them every day. Daily, very aggressive or destructive outbursts are a reason to talk to a professional.
Why do children have tantrums, and at what age are they normal?
A tantrum is usually a feeling that is bigger than your child’s words. Toddlers want to tell you what they need, but their language is still catching up. When they cannot get the message across, the frustration comes out as crying, shouting, kicking or lying on the floor.
The NHS lists a few common triggers:
- Tiredness or hunger. Sometimes the fix is simply a snack or a nap.
- Frustration. A tower falls, a shoe will not go on, a toy is taken away.
- Jealousy. A new baby or another child getting attention can leave your child needing more time and affection from you.
None of this means you are doing something wrong. Your child is learning how to handle strong emotions.
According to the NHS, tantrums usually begin at around 18 months. As children learn to talk more, they have fewer of them, and by the age of 4 they are far less common.
A 2012 study in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry asked parents of 1,490 preschoolers about temper loss. Nearly all (83.7%) had tantrums sometimes, but only 8.6% had them every day. So an occasional meltdown in a three- or four-year-old is ordinary. A tantrum every single day is not the norm.
How can you tell a typical tantrum from a warning sign?
A National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) summary of the same research described which tantrums were common among children aged 3 to 5 and which were less typical. The pattern matters more than any one bad afternoon.
| Tantrum pattern | Share of children aged 3 to 5 | How typical |
|---|---|---|
| During frustration or anger | 61% | More typical |
| During routines like bedtime, meals or dressing | 58% | More typical |
| With parents | 56% | More typical |
| With a non-parent adult, such as a teacher or babysitter | 36% | Less typical |
| Breaking or destroying things | 28% | Less typical |
| With no clear reason | 26% | Less typical |
| Lasting an unusually long time | 26% | Less typical |
| Hitting, biting or kicking | 24% | Less typical |
The researchers found that normal temper loss and problem signs can be told apart. Daily tantrums, or tantrums that are severe, aggressive or destructive, are unusual and may point to a bigger difficulty that deserves a closer look.
What should you do in the middle of a tantrum?
The NHS suggests a few calm, practical steps:
- Distract early. If you see a tantrum building, point your child towards something interesting, and sound as enthusiastic as you can.
- Stay calm and wait. Shouting will not end it. Ignore the onlookers and keep your own voice steady.
- Do not give in. If you change a “no” to stop the tantrum, or offer a bribe, your child may learn that tantrums work.
- Give space at home. Step into another room for a short while, once you are sure your child cannot hurt themselves.
- Name the feeling. Saying “I know you are feeling angry about…” helps your child learn words for emotions.
If your child hits, bites or kicks, the NHS advice is not to hit back. Show that the behaviour hurts and is not allowed, then talk later about what was upsetting them. Praise good behaviour and give plenty of cuddles, so your child knows you love them even when you do not accept what they did.
When should you get help for your child’s tantrums?
It is worth speaking to a professional if you notice any of these:
- Tantrums happen every day, or most days, well past the toddler years.
- Outbursts often include hitting, biting, kicking or breaking things.
- Tantrums happen with teachers or other adults, not only at home.
- Your child is hard to calm, or the outbursts seem to come from nowhere.
- The behaviour is affecting school, friendships or family life.
- You feel worn out, frightened or close to losing your own temper.
The NHS advises that if you are seriously concerned about your child’s behaviour, you should talk to your doctor. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 112 or go to the nearest hospital emergency department.
How does counselling help with a child’s anger?
For young children, help often starts with the parents. The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reviewed research on treating disruptive behaviour in children aged 12 and under, published between 1998 and 2016. It found that parent behaviour therapy has the strongest evidence. The highest-rated formats were group parent training and individual parent training with the child taking part.
In practice, this means you learn specific skills: giving clear instructions, using praise and attention on purpose, setting calm consequences and handling triggers before they explode. Your child learns from the change in the home, not only from talking.
At Manas, family and parenting counselling sessions are 60 minutes, online by video anywhere in India or in person at the Ayodhya Nagar center in Bhopal. Sessions can involve the whole family, parents only, or a parent and child together. Children are included from age 6 upward, and a typical course is 6 to 10 sessions, depending on the situation.
Frequently asked questions
Occasional tantrums are very common, but daily ones are not the norm. In a study of 1,490 preschoolers, 83.7% had tantrums sometimes while only 8.6% had them every day. If tantrums are daily, it is reasonable to talk to a professional.
The NHS says tantrums usually begin around 18 months and become far less common by the age of 4, as children learn to talk and express what they need. Some children take longer, so look at the overall pattern.
Stay calm, and do not reward the tantrum by giving in or offering bribes. At home you can step into another room briefly once your child is safe. Talk about the feelings after your child has settled.
No. Tantrums come from a young child’s developing language and self-control, plus triggers like tiredness, hunger and frustration. Parents can still make a big difference, which is why parent training has the strongest evidence for disruptive behaviour in children.
Yes. With young children, much of the work happens through the parents. The CDC review found parent behaviour therapy is the most effective treatment for disruptive behaviour in children aged 12 and under. You learn skills to use at home every day.
Frequent hitting, biting, kicking or breaking things is less typical and deserves a professional assessment. Do not hit back. Keep everyone safe first. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 112 or go to the nearest hospital emergency department.
Where can you get support for your child’s tantrums?
If tantrums are taking over your home, you do not have to work it out alone. Read about our family and parenting counselling, book a 60-minute session online or in Bhopal, or contact the Manas Center with your questions.
Sources
- NHS: Temper tantrums
- NIMH: Daily or severe tantrums may point to mental health issues
- Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry (2012): temper loss in early childhood, PubMed
- CDC: Treatment of disruptive behaviour problems, what works?
Plain-language guides on mental wellbeing, based on published research. Counselling at Manas Center is led by Dr. Priya Dubey Sharma, Founder & Consulting Psychologist.
