Quick answer: To help someone with anxiety, listen without judging, ask open questions, keep up your usual contact and offer practical help, such as going to an appointment with them. Avoid telling them to “just relax” or pushing them to talk. Gently encourage professional support if worry is affecting their daily life, and look after your own wellbeing too.
How can you tell someone you care about is struggling with anxiety?
Anxiety is very common. The World Health Organization estimates that 470 million people worldwide had an anxiety disorder in 2023, about 5.8% of the global population. So if someone close to you is struggling, they are far from alone.
Anxiety does not always look like visible fear. According to the US National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), generalised anxiety can show up as constant worry, irritability, restlessness, trouble concentrating, sleep problems, tiredness and physical complaints such as headaches or muscle aches. You might notice that your partner, parent, child or friend:
- seems on edge or snaps more easily than usual;
- asks for reassurance again and again;
- avoids places, calls or tasks they used to manage;
- has trouble sleeping or seems exhausted;
- complains of stomach aches, headaches or tension without a clear cause.
Only a professional can say whether someone has an anxiety disorder. Your role is not to label it, but to notice, care and help them find support if they need it.
What should you say to someone with anxiety?
The NHS Every Mind Matters guidance on helping others suggests a few simple steps that make a real difference.
- Tell them you are worried. Saying so gently shows that you care and have time for them.
- Reassure them. Let them know that talking about their worries is a big step and that you are there to listen.
- Ask open questions. Questions beginning with “how”, “what”, “where” or “when” give them space to explain in their own words. For example, “What has been weighing on you lately?”
- Listen without judgement. You do not need to fix everything. Often, feeling heard is the most helpful thing.
- Do ordinary things together. A walk, a cup of tea or a film can make it easier to talk than a serious sit-down conversation.
What should you avoid saying or doing?
Well-meant comments can sometimes leave a person feeling misunderstood or ashamed. Here is a simple guide.
| Instead of saying or doing this | Try this |
|---|---|
| “Just relax” or “Stop overthinking” | “That sounds really hard. I’m here.” |
| “There’s nothing to worry about” | “What part of it feels most worrying right now?” |
| Pressuring them to talk or get help immediately | Letting them know you are ready to listen whenever they want |
| Booking an appointment or speaking to a doctor on their behalf without asking | Offering to help them find support, or to go with them |
| Pulling back or treating them differently | Keeping up your usual calls, messages and plans |
| Doing every difficult task for them | Helping with small practical things while they keep doing what they can |
The NHS specifically advises not to pressure someone into talking or getting help, and not to go to a doctor on their behalf. Changing how you behave around them can also make them feel more isolated, so try to keep your contact as normal as possible.
How can you offer practical support?
Practical help can lighten the load. The NHS gives examples like helping with shopping or going to appointments with the person. Ask what would actually help, rather than guessing.
NIMH advises families to learn about anxiety, talk openly, offer reassurance and support, and be patient, expecting that there will be setbacks. A few ideas:
- Learn the basics of anxiety so you can understand what they are going through.
- Help them keep up routines that support wellbeing, such as regular sleep, meals and movement.
- Join them for a walk or a short slow-breathing exercise if they find it calming.
- Notice and praise small steps, like making a call or going somewhere they had been avoiding.
Be careful not to take over completely. Avoidance tends to keep anxiety going, so support works best when it helps the person face things gradually, at their own pace.
When should you encourage professional help?
Many people with anxiety never get care. The WHO estimates that only about 1 in 4 people who need treatment for an anxiety disorder (about 25%) receive any. Your encouragement can be the push that makes the difference.
It may be time to suggest professional support if their worry:
- is present on most days and has gone on for weeks or months (NIMH describes generalised anxiety disorder as hard-to-control worry on most days for at least 6 months);
- affects their work, studies, sleep or relationships;
- leads them to avoid ordinary activities;
- is being managed with alcohol or other substances.
NIMH reports that among US adults with generalised anxiety disorder in the past year, about 32.3% had serious impairment. Talking therapy, especially cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), has strong evidence for anxiety, according to both the WHO and NIMH. You might say, “Talking to me was a really good first step. Would you think about speaking to someone who works with anxiety? I can help you look.”
If the person tells you they cannot cope or cannot keep themselves safe, help them get urgent support straight away. Manas is not an emergency service. In an emergency, call 112 or go to the nearest hospital emergency department.
How do you look after yourself while supporting someone?
Supporting someone you love can be tiring and upsetting. The NHS encourages carers to be kind to themselves, take time to relax and do things they enjoy. You cannot pour from an empty cup.
- Set gentle limits on how much you can offer, and say so kindly.
- Share the support with other family members or friends where possible.
- Keep up your own sleep, activity and time with people who lift you.
- Consider speaking to a counsellor yourself if you feel overwhelmed. Family counselling can also help when anxiety is affecting the whole household.
Frequently asked questions
Something simple and caring, such as “That sounds really hard. I’m here.” Then ask an open question and listen. The NHS suggests reassuring the person that talking is a big step, without rushing to fix the problem or telling them not to worry.
Anxiety is not something people can simply switch off, so “calm down” or “just relax” can make them feel misunderstood or judged. It is usually more helpful to acknowledge how they feel and ask what would help right now.
Encourage, but do not pressure. The NHS advises against pushing someone to talk or get help. Tell them you are worried, explain that speaking to a professional can help, and offer practical support such as finding options or going with them.
Stay calm and stay with them. Speak slowly, invite them to breathe slowly with you, and remind them the feeling will pass. Avoid arguing with their fears in that moment. Once they feel steadier, you can talk about what might help next time.
If worry is present most days for weeks, affects work, study, sleep or relationships, or leads them to avoid ordinary activities, professional support is worth considering. NIMH describes generalised anxiety disorder as hard-to-control worry on most days for at least 6 months.
Take it seriously and get help straight away. Manas is not an emergency service. In an emergency, call 112 or go to the nearest hospital emergency department. Stay with the person if you can until help is in place.
Looking for support for your loved one or family?
You do not have to manage this on your own. Read about what anxiety symptoms feel like and what to do, explore individual counselling at Manas Center or family counselling, in Bhopal and online across India, or book a session.
Sources
- NHS Every Mind Matters: Help others with mental health problems
- NIMH: Generalized Anxiety Disorder: What You Need to Know
- NIMH: Generalized Anxiety Disorder statistics
- World Health Organization: Anxiety disorders fact sheet
Plain-language guides on mental wellbeing, based on published research. Counselling at Manas Center is led by Dr. Priya Dubey Sharma, Founder & Consulting Psychologist.
